The onion

B

bach2yoga

Guest
from the onion....
Renee

WASHINGTON, DC—Vowing to "restore the pristine splendor of America's natural treasures," President Bush Monday unveiled "Project: National Parks Clean-Up," an ambitious program to remove all toxic petrochemical deposits from national parks.

"Places like Yellowstone and Yosemite were once pure, unspoiled wilderness," Bush said at a White House press conference. "But over the course of the past 10 million years, we have allowed them to become polluted with toxic fossil-fuel deposits, turning a blind eye to the steady build-up of vast quantities of dangerous pollutants. It's time to end this terrible neglect."

Continued Bush: "A comprehensive survey of our parks, conducted by a team of top geologists specially commissioned by me, has discovered giant pockets of petroleum, coal, and other 'fossil poisons' beneath an alarming 38 percent of our national parks' surface area. Though a majority of these poisons are buried under several million tons of rock strata, should they ever seep to the surface and spread into the surrounding areas, they would spell disaster for the parks' precious ecosystems."

To underscore the severity of the crisis, Bush produced a chart illustrating survey results for Yellowstone National Park, where a "staggeringly huge" toxic-petroleum deposit was discovered.

"This amount represents the equivalent of 40,000 supertankers worth of oil," said Bush, gesturing toward a line on the chart. "To put the dangers into perspective, consider this: If these 'petro-poisons' should ever spill out into the park itself, the resulting environmental disaster would be 40,000 times worse than the damage caused by the wreck of the Exxon Valdez."

"We cannot allow such a thing to happen," Bush said. "We must remove this oil now, before it's too late."

Under the Bush plan, 7.2 billion tons of toxic petroleum would be removed by the target date of January 2004. Unlike other federal environmental clean-up initiatives, administration officials say the plan would pay for itself, offsetting costs through the sale of petroleum byproducts produced as a result of the clean-up process.


Above: An EPA oil-removal pump begins preliminary cleaning of Kings Canyon National Park in California.
The clean-up, EPA chief Christine Todd Whitman said, may even prove profitable, a prospect that has attracted the participation of private industry. Already, many U.S. companies have expressed interest in lending assistance, and it is hoped that these companies will carry out much, or perhaps all, of the clean-up effort.

Though "Project: National Parks Clean-Up" represents Bush's first major environmental initiative since taking office, supporters are quick to point that he has been a longtime champion of petroleum removal.

"As governor of Texas, Bush fought tirelessly to protect the state's subterranean environment through a series of massive petrochemical-deposit clean-up projects," Secretary of the Interior Gale A. Norton said. "Under his governorship, more tons of petroleum-based subterranean environmental contaminants were removed in Texas than in all the national Superfund clean-up sites combined. The Democrats talk a good game about the importance of cleaning up the environment, but when it comes to actually eliminating the threat of enormous oil deposits lurking under the surface of our nation, no one can hold a candle to George W. Bush."

Thus far, reaction has been mixed. Some have said it is unrealistic for the president to try to remove so much petroleum so quickly. Others, such as Sen. Bob Smith (R-NH), have charged that the president is caving in to pressure from environmentalists, arguing that the government's energies would be better directed toward improving the military.

But despite such criticism, Bush stressed that the urgency of removing the oil deposits should take precedence over everything else.

"Nothing is more important than the legacy we leave future generations," Bush said. "The costs of this project pale in comparison to the importance of safeguarding our planet's ecosystem. Our primary mission must be to protect and foster our nation's most precious natural resource: oil. I mean, the environment."
 

jokerman

Explorer
May 29, 2003
337
12
Manasquan
God, I hate that guy so much. Do they think we are as stupid as to not be able to see this for what it is. First his "Forest Protection INitiative" (or whatever) where he plans to protect our forests from fire by cutting them down. And now, this total bullshit program to install oil rigs in our national parks under the disguise that it is an environmental clean-up? There's no way that oil is going to spring from the ground and pollute the parks. It's funny that he's not concerned about the real places that need to be cleaned up due the corporations that he is in cahoots with. Mr. Bush will leave office having dismantled some 25 years of environmental legislation meant to protect people from big industry pollution. He has a lot of money backing him up and that's why it's not on Channel 2 News at night, but it's going on. I can't even imagine what he will do with his final powers as President. Clinton designated a HUGE area of wilderness to be protected as he left office which Bush immediately reversed. This guy is the worst thing that ever happened to this country, environmentally speaking. Thanks for letting me vent.
 
B

bach2yoga

Guest
Oh, my, ya'll know the onion is satire, right??? But I wholeheartedly concur with your opinion re: Dumbya Bush.
Renee
 

Teegate

Administrator
Site Administrator
Sep 17, 2002
25,653
8,265
So are you going to vote for the candidate who could replace Roger Daltry in the "Who" and knows his 50 states?

Guy
 
B

bach2yoga

Guest
Is the Who a music group or the World Health Organization?
Does he squeal like Howard Dean?
Ha!
Renee
 
B

BarryC

Guest
This is obviously a work of satire. I was suspicious by the end of the first sentence. If he actually said this, he would not be able to keep a straight face.
On another note, I am a huge fan of George W. I may be his biggest fan. But unfortunately I agree that he is the worst thing ever to happen to the environment in this country. His environmental plans and ideas for this country are so bad they are scary.
Maybe I am extremely unusual, being a staunch republican, and yet a staunch environmentalist. I don't know. It saddens me how he thinks.
Barry
jokerman said:
God, I hate that guy so much. Do they think we are as stupid as to not be able to see this for what it is. First his "Forest Protection INitiative" (or whatever) where he plans to protect our forests from fire by cutting them down. And now, this total bullshit program to install oil rigs in our national parks under the disguise that it is an environmental clean-up? There's no way that oil is going to spring from the ground and pollute the parks. It's funny that he's not concerned about the real places that need to be cleaned up due the corporations that he is in cahoots with. Mr. Bush will leave office having dismantled some 25 years of environmental legislation meant to protect people from big industry pollution. He has a lot of money backing him up and that's why it's not on Channel 2 News at night, but it's going on. I can't even imagine what he will do with his final powers as President. Clinton designated a HUGE area of wilderness to be protected as he left office which Bush immediately reversed. This guy is the worst thing that ever happened to this country, environmentally speaking. Thanks for letting me vent.
 

Teegate

Administrator
Site Administrator
Sep 17, 2002
25,653
8,265
Well, since we have two points of view ahead of me that I agree with, I will throw my 2 cents in.

I am neither a Republican or a Democrat, but I lean toward Republican, and for the most part Bush is doing well. He has his faults but I hate to think what we would have had with Gore. And his wife..... After 9/11 the country was clamoring for him to do something, and it was a month before things started to roll. During that time I can remember some people I know saying why is he not doing anything? But he took his time and today it looks like he has put a dent in the terrorists stride. But those same people who wanted him to move along, now are questioning his actions. That is hypocritical to me! From what I see of the candidates so far, Bush will again get my vote.

Now concerning the environment, how may of members of this group own a gas guzzling ca such as a 4x4? You go out every weekend and drive around the woods enjoying yourself. That money is going to foreign countries to support the very things we are fighting against. So as Ben said, Alaska sounds good to me, and those who oppose that better buy a moped or stay at home.

Thanks Barry and Ben.

Guy
 

njvike

Explorer
Jul 18, 2003
353
1
Sparta, NJ
home.earthlink.net
TeeGate said:
Well, since we have two points of view ahead of me that I agree with, I will throw my 2 cents in.

I am neither a Republican or a Democrat, but I lean toward Republican, and for the most part Bush is doing well. He has his faults but I hate to think what we would have had with Gore. And his wife..... After 9/11 the country was clamoring for him to do something, and it was a month before things started to roll. During that time I can remember some people I know saying why is he not doing anything? But he took his time and today it looks like he has put a dent in the terrorists stride. But those same people who wanted him to move along, now are questioning his actions. That is hypocritical to me! From what I see of the candidates so far, Bush will again get my vote.

Now concerning the environment, how may of members of this group own a gas guzzling ca such as a 4x4? You go out every weekend and drive around the woods enjoying yourself. That money is going to foreign countries to support the very things we are fighting against. So as Ben said, Alaska sounds good to me, and those who oppose that better buy a moped or stay at home.

Thanks Barry and Ben.

Guy

I'm still a republican but think I don't think I will be voting for the upcoming election as I'm not to happy with Bush or the candidates I've seen representing the democrats.

As far as drilling in Alaska, I think we are better off trying to find a solution other than oil.
 
B

bach2yoga

Guest
TeeGate said:
Well, since we have two points of view ahead of me that I agree with, I will throw my 2 cents in.

I am neither a Republican or a Democrat, but I lean toward Republican, and for the most part Bush is doing well. He has his faults but I hate to think what we would have had with Gore. And his wife..... After 9/11 the country was clamoring for him to do something, and it was a month before things started to roll. During that time I can remember some people I know saying why is he not doing anything? But he took his time and today it looks like he has put a dent in the terrorists stride. But those same people who wanted him to move along, now are questioning his actions. That is hypocritical to me! From what I see of the candidates so far, Bush will again get my vote.

Now concerning the environment, how may of members of this group own a gas guzzling ca such as a 4x4? You go out every weekend and drive around the woods enjoying yourself. That money is going to foreign countries to support the very things we are fighting against. So as Ben said, Alaska sounds good to me, and those who oppose that better buy a moped or stay at home.

Thanks Barry and Ben.

Guy

Actually, you've hit the nail on the head. Satire is not sarcasm, nor is it meant as a diatribe or invective. Satire is simply a literary genre designed to remind us of our humanity, of our foibles, of our absurdity, by standing in opposition to the current state of affairs, in an endeavour to change things. The point is not: Bush is a jerk; but, as you so correctly pointed out: how many of us are feeding into the oil frenzy? Satire is meant to make you think.

I'm not registered Republican or Democrat either, though I vote regularly. And Republican policies actually tend to help my family as we are business owners. I have voted Republican in the past, both locally and nationally, as well as having voted Democrat and Green party.

However, I feel that Bush has failed miserably in the area of the environment and public health, and yet has done well in others. Then again, I wasn't particularly fond of Clinton either.

I don't like any of the candidates running as of yet, which is why I poked fun at Howard Dean as well, who is running for Democrat.

My 4x4 jeep uses less gasoline than my car, and I and my family usually spend more time hiking than driving on our days of exploring. Generally speaking, not just when exploring, I walk rather than use automobiles; both for the environment and for my own health. I plan my errands to make sense rather than to run all over the place, and, for example, when I am in Millville on Tuesdays, I plan all of my errands like visits in that area to the music store, book store, library, etc. for that day and I walk to each of the places, and walk back to my car with the bags. I agree with you about our use of peutroleum based fuels; I know that NJ just joined the list of states with more stringent emmissions policies and hopefully there will be more reasonably priced attractive, practical vehicles in the future that are environmentally friendly. Tall order, huh? Hard to imagine a corn or soybean fueled jeep.

I'm a stickler for turning off lights; if my kids don't drink all of their water bottle, it gets used to water the plants--never dumped on an impervious surface or thrown into the trash. I collect rainwater in a barrel to water the garden, and we no longer use unnecessary chemicals on our lawn.
We've changed our landscaping to include more native plants so we don't need to water as often. I'm just one person, but each one us can make a difference. Our country is, as a whole, living a standard that is environmentally unsustainable if every country in the world were living as we do. Does that mean I want to go live in the rainforest? Well maybe yeh... :wink:

Imagine the scenario: my husband is a contractor, and I, an environmentalist and activist. With McGreevey in office, it makes for an interesting scenario, to say the least. Joe and I have had many fascinating conversations over the past year as he has become increasingly intrigued with the Pines. He has come to hold what is probably a very balanced, healthy attitude toward balance of sustainable development. I think that is the key: our population is growing, and NJ is the densest state in the Union; we must sustain our population but in a manner that is environmentally sustainable.

I know I have teased a bit through out this, but I am serious too. But the satire isn't meant just to take shots at Bush; it's meant to make us all examine our actions. There is a lot more I could be doing, and a lot more that all of us could be doing. But every little bit helps.

Renee, who would rather see more environmentally friendly fuel sources than to drill in Alaska or support terrorist activities. :(
 

Teegate

Administrator
Site Administrator
Sep 17, 2002
25,653
8,265
bach2yoga said:
Renee, who would rather see more environmentally friendly fuel sources than to drill in Alaska or support terrorist activities. :(

Ken and you are correct, we should find other choices. But it appears that one of the reasons why those alternatives are not here already is because of the consumer. They want faster cars, bigger houses, etc, etc, which doesn't give companies much incentive to come up with alternative choices.

Guy
 
B

bach2yoga

Guest
TeeGate said:
bach2yoga said:
Renee, who would rather see more environmentally friendly fuel sources than to drill in Alaska or support terrorist activities. :(

Ken and you are correct, we should find other choices. But it appears that one of the reasons why those alternatives are not here already is because of the consumer. They want faster cars, bigger houses, etc, etc, which doesn't give companies much incentive to come up with alternative choices.

Guy

Unfortunately, you're right about that. And I'm sure that those whose pockets are nicely lined as a result of our bigger is better philosophy aren't too eager to see a change anytime soon in our thirst for more and bigger and better. :?

Renee
 

bobpbx

Piney
Staff member
Oct 25, 2002
14,235
4,328
Pines; Bamber area
BarryC said:
It saddens me how he thinks

It doesn't just sadden me the way he thinks, it angers the hell out of me the way he thinks. He lied to me and you in order to go to war. We were not in danger. We had Saddam all bottled up with inspectors in the country. He wasn't going anywhere. Bush took all his resources off the real target, who is still clamoring over rocks somewhere West of Bahgdad. No freaking way was getting Saddam worth over 500 promising young American lives. Does anyone realize the pain those families are feeling?

And I notice VP Cheney's cronies are making money over this war (both legally and illegally). Whats the buzzword today, the World is a safer place with Saddam gone? I was willing to risk Sadaam stupidly lobbing an antiquated missile at one of our planes within the confines of his own country's no-fly zones rather than risk getting American, British, and Italian soldiers killed in the name of advancing democracy. Who said they wanted democracy over there? No one asked us in.

No way will a President lie to me and get my vote. Especially when the lie results in the death of Americans.

Regarding Alaska oil. That is wrong, risky, and shortsighted to drill there. It is a oil man's dream is all. Don't get me started on that.
 
B

bach2yoga

Guest
BobM said:
BarryC said:
It saddens me how he thinks

It doesn't just sadden me the way he thinks, it angers the hell out of me the way he thinks. He lied to me and you in order to go to war. We were not in danger. We had Saddam all bottled up with inspectors in the country. He wasn't going anywhere. Bush took all his resources off the real target, who is still clamoring over rocks somewhere West of Bahgdad. No freaking way was getting Saddam worth over 500 promising young American lives. Does anyone realize the pain those families are feeling?

What he said. :yup:

I understand, probably not as well as others, I will admit, the relationship of Saddam to Al Quaeda, but I tend to view our actions as having been more in the interest of American's need for oil, with Osama bin Laden having faded somewhere into the background.

Such a volatile subject, yes?
Renee
 

BorderWalker

Scout
Jun 26, 2003
46
1
Middlesex, NJ
And I notice VP Cheney's cronies are making money over this war (both legally and illegally).
Oh, a lot of people are making money off of the regime change. Contractors from any country that allied itself with the U.S. are being awarded reconstruction jobs that could be done for a great deal less by equally competent Iraqi workers.

I've found Salam Pax's and Riverbend's blogs to be an interesting source of information on some of the going ons in Iraq.

A volatile subject, indeed.

--T
 
Top